The title actually means mixed feelings, just that I wanted to use my own quote as title.

I am a person with dreams and ambitions. Unfortunately after many unpleasant things that happened, I have lost confidence in myself and my life, giving up my dreams. Art and Luxury, it explains all. I always want my life to be like a piece of beautiful art. While living in luxury. It is an ideal life which everyone dream of. Seeing myself drifting apart from my dream, life become really meaningless all these while.

The day I left LASALLE, I would never expect myself to interact with advertising stuff, nor doing anything related to advertising. After being a real estate consultant, I realised how much love I have for sales and marketing. If I am able to combine advertising with sales and marketing, it will be a dream come true for me.

Few days ago I came across an opportunity, which I believe is what god gave me. An opportunity for me to grab and if I don’t cherish it, I would not have a chance to redeem myself for all the mistakes I have done in the past.

It was a sales and marketing executive postition in a advertising company call Dream Works Advertising. Being one of the largest advertising comapny in Singapore, they help clients like Singtel, M1, UNICEF, Standard Chattered, Maybank, and many other big companies to do advertising and promoting. I considered for awhile due to the fact that I keep failing in the past, resulting in lack of confidence. In the end, I manage to persuade myself to give it a shot although I don’t have good qualifications. The company are looking for people who is a people’s person, someone who can interact, get along well with others and have with leadership qualities which I felt I possess all these and it could be my last throw of dice.

Upon reaching the company, I saw many candidates who seems to be experienced working adults filling up the questionaire, waiting to be interview. My heart was like beating 984192471289471974 times per min, but somehow or rather during the interview, I remember all the past experiences talking to strangers, weekly presentation infront of coursemates, singing infront of unfamiliar faces, bringing people for viewings. All these flashbacks suddenly slowed down the tempo of my heartbeat.

After the interview, I think I did ok but still, because of my education which I felt my chances are only left with 50-50. I really regretted all the things I have done in the past, not studying well despite given handful of chances, not working towards my dream, not being mature enough thus causing me to lose the most important thing or maybe person of my life. I only hope to have another chance in the future, irregardless how many years later. Maybe what I am now is what the person wanted to see in me in the past but I failed her and myself. A typical phrase which I believe many will always say “If only I could turn back the time”.

Feeling emo for the first half of the day, I really could not stop thinking and thinking. But I can only blame myself for everything. Suddenly, I received a call from Dream Works Advertising asking me to go for a second interview tomorrow (which is actually today), my whole mind seems to be lighten up. The caller said that the person who interviewed me (who was an Assistant Manager), was very pleased with my performance during the interview, I thought it was my sincerity in words that touched her due to the fact that I wanted this job so badly. FINALLY IN THIS WORLD, someone is willing to give me another chance to prove my worth which in my mind, I am now at least on par with other candidates or even better. Although it is not a 100% I will get this job, at least I did the unexpected. Just hope that I can do well in the 2nd interview. Wish me luck

Of all the ups and downs of the day, I feel it was such a pity that I could no longer share it with the person. I could still remember every expression she will give whenever I go for job interviews in the past, the things she said, the encouragement, the moment of joy in her face everytime I am being shortlisted for interviews. I have to admit, the moment I hang up the phone, I have the strong urge to give her a ring but because of what had happened in the past, I can only stay away cause any slightest action I do, many people will always doubt my motive. And who am I to tell her all these. It wouldn’t be something she want to know anymore or anyway.

Initially I wanted this as a private post but sometimes the more human wants to hide, the more pain he/she will suffer. And I don’t wish to keep hiding in the corner like a coward. I have the right to fight for what I want but now is not the right moment. One step at a time is all I can say.  In the past, greed and over ambitious has always been a hurdle in life. This is always a painful lesson I will forever remember. I shall not talk so much about it till the day I really achieve something out of nothing.

The real JQ will be back one day..